How To Respond to Begging: One Important Posture!

After I posted the story about my neighbor Janice who asked for money for medicine but didn’t want me to enter the pharmacy, I received suggestions from you about how to respond to begging. (Check out Part One and Part Two if you missed them.)

As I mentioned, Janice came back and apologized, asking for creamer. A few days later she came back asking for work to make a few dollars. Now, Marnell and I do hire people occasionally, and so I told her she could weed the strawberry row for $10. It was hot and she did a good job.

After I paid her, I heard her hollering on the other side of the house. She was picking roses off my bush and needed a scissors to get one particular bloom loose. Well, I got a scissors and helped her finish ‘borrowing our flowers.’ I relish her joy in them.

A few days passed. Janice returned, asking for money for an inhaler.

“I’ll take you to Walgreens,” I said.

“I don’t need a ride,” she snapped. “I need the money. Someone else is taking me.”

This is a classic example of how responding to begging can go. I kept my cool.

“Well that’s not a big deal,” I said. “Just tell that person that you found someone who offered to give you a ride and purchase the inhaler, so you don’t need a ride anymore.”

“I don’t need a ride!” she shouted. “I don’t understand why you are so nosy.”

Well, I didn’t do too great with that whole scenario either, even though it is inexplicable to me that she thinks her accusations make sense.

As the days passed, she continued coming. One afternoon as I headed to the door to speak to her, I thought of the advice I had received on my blog about responding to beggars, with an emphasis on understanding the person and asking questions. Of course, this is what we also try to do in all of life and with our new podcast. Odd, how hard it can be to maintain this posture on a daily basis!

Also, in responding to begging, I felt I should do a better job of just listening.

So I opened the door. She was seated on the porch bench, so I walked to a chair and sat across from her.

She asked for work to make some money, and I said I don’t think I have anything right now. I asked her how she was doing.

After I sat down, I saw transformation in Janice. Even though I did not have work for her and gave her no money, she began to talk to me about life. I could see in her eyes that she felt valued by me. We were now just two people sitting on a porch.

Why?

Because I was sitting instead of standing.

Articles have been written about doctors and the improved results of sitting to talk with patients instead of standing. (Here’s one article.)

I also asked her a question about her request for money, and offered a little logic. But she didn’t get super angry, and eventually she walked off the porch, apparently happy.

I think I’m going to compile a list of the things I have learned about how to respond to begging. Near the top will be a simple suggestion for helping such people feel valued, which was brought to my mind through the advice of readers.

How to Respond to Begging? Sit down!

Got to go. Janice is at my door again!

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Also, if you’ve been debating signing up for Voices of Survival, it’s a great day to do that since it’s the beginning of the month which is when the subscription is charged. Today’s release, “The Darkest Memories from the Deep South,” is a deeply personal account from our neighbor Mary.

As I mentioned, I do not plan to post a blog on Saturday night due to the holiday. I may send something fun like a photo at some point. Happy July and Happy Second Half of the Year!