Hey, how do you KNOW you won’t need these tips some day? You don’t. So read on.
- Place shot swan on flat surface and allow neck to hang over the side. Placing on a freezer beside three sturgeon is most fitting.
- Pull feathers off body with quick firm snapping motions of wrist.
- Remove feet and give to small children so they can terrorize visitors with them.
- Using neck as a handle, singe the de-feathered body in an open fire pit to remove feathers. Scrape body between singes with metal tool. Rotate bird so all feathers are burned off.
“Does it taste like chicken?” I asked the man, hoping my voice sounded graciously interested rather than nervous.
“Turkey,” he said.
- Remove neck.
- Reach into bird. Pull out esophagus, trachea, and heart. Toss heart into large plastic trash bag. Pull out the dark red liver. Make a biting motion toward the liver for the benefit of the people watching, and laugh as you toss the brick red organ into the bag. Bury your arm deep into the bird, removing remaining internal organs and tangled intestines.
- Chop bird into pieces. Place pieces in pot of water and place pot on the stove.
You may not believe me, but I really, truly wanted to taste it. However, the sun was about to set and we had an hour and a half home to Pickle Lake through the bush on an unfamiliar road in bear and moose country. So we left before the swan had finished cooking.
Like I said, perhaps, some day, in some bizarre set of circumstances, these instructions will be useful to you. Until then!